You never know what you've got till it's gone.

You know, as sad as it sounds I’ve kind of gotten used to people disappointing me. I always seem to make people out to be something they really aren’t and it leads to me feeling like garbage in the end. I always try my hardest to be the best friend that I can be and I end up over doing it every single time and I feel like such a failure most of the time.

I know how selfish I can be but I would like to think that I have an ounce of selflessness within myself. I’ve gotten used to hearing “oh you’re such a good friend and I couldn’t imagine my life without you”, to be totally honest I’m not too sure how much of that I actually believe out of some people.

Isn’t a friendship a TWO way street? Kind of a give and take sort of thing, well from what I’ve observed it’s all take-take-take with a few individuals and to be honest it’s wiping me out to the point where I don’t know how much more I can take. I give my all to people, saying that I’ll always be there for them if they need someone to talk to and what not, I try to remain loyal to that promise and I’d like to be selfish and think that I live up to that pretty well. I’m not going to go into detail but I just don’t like the fact that it always seems like the people you care for the most are the ones who always end up disappointing you more than anyone.

I’m just baffled that there are people out there who think that their friends need to “get used to” the way things are going to be when things change. In all honesty I am the type of person who doesn’t like being told what to do in terms of how I deal with situations like this. There will be no “getting used to it” for me, however if this behavior gets any worse it will result in you having to get used to me being absent from your life simply because I will not stand for being treated like this.

Before this gets to long I’m going to end it here. I guess what my issue is, is the fact that I put TOO much of my all into friendships and what-not and end up taking things too far. I think I need help or advice :\

Let me be one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall..

I've been pretty stressed out lately due to various things, whether it be school, work or friend drama, it just never ends. I'm taking a break from studying for finals (mainly because I left one of my textbooks in the car and my mother is at a doctors appointment LOL) so I figured I'd write a little while I wait for her to come home.

Lately, I've been having problems with a few people I thought were my closest friends and I can't figure out what to do. Aside from just letting the storm blow over and see where the future takes us. But amidst all of this I do have someone that I consider a blessing who has been there for me longer than almost anyone I know..

For the persons privacy I will be keeping their identity hidden, just like I've kept mine on this blog hidden.. But I met this person on myspace back in late 2004 or early 2005 can't remember exactly due to a common musical interest. I figured this person was just going to be an acquaintance especially because it's been said that people shouldn't "make friends" on the internet because it's full of pedophiles, but I went out on a limb and befriended this person. We started talking and got to know each other on a pretty personal basis, well as personal as myspace will allow :P At one point we exchanged numbers and talked even more. Planned a meet up in November of 08, although it didn't go as planned it was still a weekend that I wouldn't change for the world. We had another sleepover the year after and it was EVEN better. Although we've had our problems she is still my BEST friend.

In comparison to anyone else I've considered close to me she out does them all by a landslide. She is by far the most amazing person I know. She doesn't let the shortcomings get her down and it's really inspiring, I learn so much from her the longer I'm friends with her. This girl is a sister that I always wanted and I can genuinely say I'd be lost without her. Love you more than I can even begin to tell you :) <3